Introduction and my struggle

[David]

Hi guys,

I hope everyone is doing well :). I just recently joined the site and wanted to write a quick instruction. (I don’t really engage with online communities ever, or spend much time on the internet, so this is definitely a change for me).

My name is David and I am 20 year old student from the United States. I have struggled with social anxiety for the majority of my life, but in the last few years I have made huge changes in my life and through medication and therapy am no longer controlled by my anxiety in almost every part of my life. There is just one frontier I have to conquer and that is my anxiety with women.

I went from someone who only two years ago could barely talk to women to someone now who has been able to to go out with and date a wide variety of women. And I am super proud of how far I have come. But now I am a bit stuck and need some help. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I can’t do this alone.

I have had some pretty bad/traumatic experiences with women in the past (before I was able to tame my social anxiety), rejection, humiliation, cheating, abandonment and these memories are still ingrained in my subconscious. So much so that the first thought I have whenever I see a beautiful women is that I am unworthy even though I have had beautiful women in my life for the past two years.

My goal is in the next 4-6 months is be a point in my life where I no longer need women to validate me and where I have the confidence and skills to be able to approach/talk to any women in an honest, real and vulnerable way without having any anxiety or fear.

If any of you have any suggestions for my journey and would like to share your experiences I would really appreciate it! 🙂

Al the best, Dave

Topic

[David]

Hey Guys,

Just to update my journal real quick, I have started insight and it really is an awesome program so far. Just finished the first part and am slowly making my way through it.

I have recently been focusing a-lot on self love and self compassion. Really trying to learn to love and validate myself from within so that nothing externally can really have an effect on me. Meditation has helped me a ton with this as has journaling and starting a gratitude practice.

One things has been bothering me a bit and it has to with PUA. My friends keep talking about these gurus on youtube who show infield videos of them picking up very attractive women. I have not really found much satisfaction in PUA because I think it focuses on the wrong things (what you do as opposed to who are you). But I still need a bit of convincing from someone who has maybe tried this out, some re-affirmation that what I am thinking is correct?

Do these gurus actually do that stuff? or are they just playing the numbers game and selecting their best clips?

 

Best,

David

[Leigh]

Are you asking if the PUA stuff is bullshit or if meeting women during the day time is bullshit?

[David]

Both I suppose,

I guess I am also wondering if I should trust what I see when it comes to those “infield” videos?

 

David

[Leigh]

Most of the time, they’re authentic. It’s is definitely possible to meet women during the daytime. I’ve met plenty.

And yes, PUA tactics can work, but there’s something they never tell you in their clever marketing videos: what you do doesn’t matter. It’s who’s doing it that counts.

I’m sure you could give Brad Pitt any one of the lines and techniques splashed across these internet forums and he would be successful. But, you give that exact same line and tactic to a scared, insecure, needy guy, and BOOM, nothing.

What you do doesn’t matter. It’s who’s doing it.

The question then is: how do you change the kind of person you’re being as you’re meeting women?

You can go the outer route of learning how to pretend to be someone confident, powerful, and real whilst hiding your internal struggle and only attract women who like you for the person you pretend to be, or you can follow the internal route of actually dealing with your internal limitations and attract women for the kind of Man you’ve become.

Both paths can lead to some results (depending on how you define ‘results’), but only one will allow you to be truly happy, free, confident, and strong.

Which sounds like a better option for you?

[Author]

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