Forum Replies Created
- April 12, 2020 at 10:42 pm #23450
Hey man, as someone who has been in similar circumstances (parents owned businesses and have worked with them pretty much all of my life until recently) so I’m assuming you’re taking this journey as a step to become more independent.
COVID-19 has been a bitch, lol. But what better time than to work on your independent plan. I’m currently enrolled in Leigh’s Insight program and I recommend it. I would just say suggest to add a timeline to your independent plan. By adding a timeline to your independent plan it makes It more tangible and concrete and allows you to factor in factors that are relative to your goal.April 12, 2020 at 10:29 pm #23449
Hey Anthony, apologize for the late, late reply…
But, yeah, your experience pretty much describes the entire experiences and encounters with women: emptiness.
I feel like I’ve always tried to open up to people and it’s been something that I’ve tried to work on, but I just find myself being closed down, even often times I can feel that many of those attempts to do so would only further alienate people I wanted to connect with. And the issue (for anyone who has experienced Social Anxiety like myself) is it can be conflicting because I love connecting with people, but because of being the anxiety it becomes a struggle to express myself.
But beyond that, I don’t want to make the anxiety a bigger issue then it is, so I’m happy to move beyond it- what suggestions would you have for someone like myself? Or just advice on how to open up in general?
Thank You, Brother.February 20, 2020 at 12:28 am #23399
Maybe I can jump in and give a little insight into my issues with dependence when it comes to women.
In my experience, I’ve had a lot of attachment issues (and I still do to some extent), that I quickly get attracted just by a girl’s looks, regardless if she is a bitch or if she’s right for me or not. I’ve been getting better, but the hardest thing for me is not creating standards, but rather being able to maintain them. The way I’ve programmed my mind in the past was to rely on a positive response from a woman (smile, laugh, sex) and that is what would fuel my desire.
Initially, this entire journey for me was being able to learn how to push past my fears and get over the fear of approaching so I can pick up women. But what I’ve come to learn, is that although I’ve been able to get over my fear and push past it – that was never the issue. The issue was that I was extremely desperate, to the point of tears of why women didn’t want to be with me and to my surprise a major jab at my self-worth.
I think the purpose for everyone who has had similar issues (at least for me), is <i>to reprogram</i> our minds to move away from relying on external stimuli from women (i.e, a smile, a laugh) and be able to reprogram our minds to seek what we desire through factors we control, such as how we engage ourselves in our world. (For example, you mentioned in an earlier post that you enjoyed basketball, you can apply this to anything you do). It’s more about the underlying motivation and how you engage your world, rather than any specific action. I find that maybe you get too caught on the specific actions, rather than the underlying motivations that you would like to bring to your world.
I apologize for all the theory, I know it can all be overbearing and If I can be more practical the better.
Honestly, I think you too hard on yourself mate – you’re doing great! The fact that it seems you have become more self-aware and more introspective is awesome, and honestly, this whole journey is a whole head trip for us too and somewhat of a challenge, lol. But if we can help each other, then I think we can accelerate our path and we can be better off for it and learn from others.
I hope this helps mate!February 4, 2020 at 3:36 pm #23383
To go even further, I believe that the concept is in reference to the underlying motivations rather than the actions that we take. To answer your question @anthonylove: I think that it’s about getting in touch with that emotion you had previously with the woman you met (in a non-judgmental or critical manner and free from the possibility of self-harm) and allow yourself to fully embrace the underlying emotion, to discover what it is you truly desire. And, when you get to the point where you can’t help but take action from what the girl made you feel – then you take action. Essentially, embracing the Doing pathway and sourcing your ‘certainty’ independently (basically fuel for the soul). This is what the interpretation of turn up the volume means to me.
Hope this helps!February 4, 2020 at 3:14 pm #23382
Hey guys, I think we can help each other out as this is a concept I’ve had issues grasping and understanding as well. For me, turn up the volume means being fully aware and in-touch of how you currently feel and tuning in to your desires and following what you want to do, rather than what you think you should do.December 26, 2019 at 6:37 pm #23349
Hey Guys, I’m having the same Issue – wondering if the issue was worked out yet? *I don’t see the Insight Forum*
I just wanted to share my OPD on the forum since I marked the first moduled ‘completed’
Any suggestions, where I could upload the OPD in case I can’t access the Insight Forum?
– Thanks.November 2, 2019 at 6:54 am #23308
I’ve felt that before.
What I’ve realized is that we live in a ‘state of creation’ in the moment-to-moment. I was creating a world for myself, that in order for me to feel good about myself: I secretly needed to put others down (not ill-intentioned), but I would find flaws in people and find many ways in which people have failed me; and how much better I was than them in order for me to gain/re-gain that confidence I craved. I believe it’s important to become aware of what kind of world you’re creating through your actions.
Undoubtedly, I’ve felt this initially when I was going through my depressive episodes and that brewed a lot of resentment and anger for people – specifically women. I felt at ease in this state because it would give me a great amount of comfort to just not care, relax and be myself. I really liked it because I was in my own zone; I didn’t give two shits about anyone or anything else in my life.
Furthermore, I believe individuals are more complex than you give them credit for. I too am baffled by people who twist their thoughts and opinions to whoever they’re talking to (i.e., social chameleons). Believe me that these people deeply crave, desire and seek the validation and acceptance of others.
Mate, you’re doing great.
You’re seeking your independence from yourself, you said it yourself, “having this negative attitude towards the majority, I’m doing something correct.” From this statement, it feels like you know what you want: not warp your thoughts and opinions for the sake of external validation and acceptance. That’s great! But, if you can source your confidence from yourself, without having these negative thoughts of others without putting them down to uplift yourself – then I think you’re on a great path.
I recommend reading Leigh’s Endgame book. He goes further into Independence/Dependence if you’re interested in the different underlying mechanisms.November 2, 2019 at 5:41 am #23307
In my own experience, from the multiple amounts of interactions I’ve had: I’ve heard these words many times.
For me, considering where I started to where I am now (and I’m still working on myself) many of my interactions involved women telling me they had partners because they could feel my desperation. Whether or not they actually had romantic partners, I wasn’t sure, but I know that I was projecting a lot of insecurity and a lot of desperation that even with women who were initially interested in me – they began to lose interest once they felt all I wanted was something and that I was heavily dependent on them for me to feel happy. It repelled them because they were looking for someone to make them feel the way they wanted.
But, yeah… You hear those words all the time lol.
I think what matters most is how you feel whenever women tell you that they have a boyfriend (especially from those you find incredibly attractive). I think it’s more important to look for those specific signs of how you feel vs. any external clue and attaching meaning to something like her non-verbal cues. For me, I feel incredibly in-control of my confidence (even with those I’m attracted to) when I’m focused on my internal cues (thoughts, feelings, actions.)
Hope this helps mate!June 26, 2019 at 5:11 pm #23115
Great Article Mate!
Thanks for the recommendation, solid advice.