Hey Jimmy,
Coming into your own takes practice. Essentially it’s about breaking those bad habits of self-doubt and numbing of emotions, to actively taking steps towards what it is you really want.
I know Leigh has his own process, however I will share mine.
The first thing you want to do is start to notice those moments when you trust others judgement over your own. Notice those moments when you think you are weird, when you though you are not perfect. Just notice them but don’t judge. They are what they are and what you do after that is irrelevant. Don’t try to change anything there and then. We want to build the habit of being aware of your knee jerk reactions to things.
Throughout this exercise you will start to notice patterns. Patterns in how you think, how you react to those thoughts, how it feels in your body (eg a tenseness in the shoulders, or heat in the back of the eyes).
Feel free to write down those patterns. Don’t judge them. Nothing is right or wrong here. Again, the exercise is to just observe.
Now the other side of the coin is to ask yourself what is important to you. Leigh’s Self Awareness Challenge would be good for this.
Again, this will take time. I recommend spending a couple of days or a week to really know what is important to you in what you do, and who you are being in any given moment.
Once you are clear on this, compare your notes of patterns. Very quickly, things that aren’t aligned with what is important to you will become clear.
Now chose one pattern that you want to change. Pick a simple scenario where the pattern emerges, and choose a new way you can think, or act, in that scenario that is inline with what is important to you. Keep it simple.
Then, when you notice the moment arising and the old pattern occurring, consciously try the new way of being that you have chosen. I can tell you now, those first couple of times can be tough. Some of these habits are so ingrained that they can be hard to budge. But keep chipping away. You will fuck up a numerous times, and old habits will kick back in, but stick to it. Eventually, the new habit will kick in and it will get easier and easier, until it is natural for you.
Again, just stick to one pattern at a time. If you feel you are starting to gain mastery around one area of improvement, then feel free to take on a second pattern you have written down. If it gets too much, there is no shame in reducing the patterns you are focusing on changing.
That’s a very brief overview, but it should help. Let me know how you go.
